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The Lesson

Today I will fight no more.  I’ve been taught to let go of my beliefs.  I will not trust.  I do not believe in fairytales.  We are here alone.  We do not have other halves.  Love – that deep love – does not exist.  I was certain it was real and it would stand above all things in the end – I was wrong.  Everything I thought I knew, everything I had been taught, is shown to me as lies and is used to hurt and manipulate.  I lived my whole life being lied to, waiting on people to do the things the said they were going to do, and being let down repeatedly.  Someone, for a while, walked with me, taught me that wasn’t the way it always went, told me that there were things worth fighting for, acted like half of me and convinced me that you don’t leave your other half behind.  So I fought.  I messed up, lost my way, found my way, and fought a fight that would destroy my hope and faith and light.  When I discovered that everything else I had put my faith into was being used against me in this fight, I started questioning the fight itself.  Today, I will carry my own weight.  Today, I will never put faith into another being.  Today, I will stand shielded and kept.  I do not trust you – do not trust me.  Evermore.  I will not fight.  I will not convince you or anyone else of that which I do not know to be true.  I lay down sword.  I will not fight.

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When your light it barely shines…

sI often like to include song lyrics in my posts, so that trend is this post’s reality, tuba.  ‘You didn’t know, but years ago you saved my life. I didn’t tell my secrets and it killed me to keep them all inside. But you gave me light and it made me strong.  You gave me reasons to hold on.  And you gave me fight and family; you taught me love and how to breathe.  But you went away to a place I cannot go.  And your light it barely shines – I give you some of mine – you take it all.  Anger in one fist, forgiveness in the other – I open up both hands fare thee well my lover – Goodbye…’  There are some days when we wake up, and we wake up.  Ohhh, crap.  That worried little feather that tickles our memories and thoughts and directions and beliefs comes about and we sneeze into an awakening.  Sometimes, we have to give all away; give it all; just to get it back, or just to let it go.  We are humans – we are strange.  If you find yourself thinking that you know – you don’t yet, but you will.  That is the gorgeous thing about having a past and getting a future.  We get to make the difference; we get to make the change; we get to.  All we have to decided is to start.  So today, you and I both will start.

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