This is one of those words that, when first heard, suggests a place of refuge, retreat, and safety, but immediately we begin to dig into the complexity of it as being something more.
My life at home is physically cold. I live in an actual near-cave, so that probably has a lot to do with that, but it is shelter. It can get almost warm on the most brutal of days, but I’m never looking in the window’s reflection without a hoodie – long sleeve shirt with a hat was an awesome idea! These are the days where the length of the Sun’s time grows, but like a vacuum drawing up the fibers of space and with it the downdrafts of Earth does the cold come. We are sheltered from the heat. I am sheltered from the heat.
I expected something mild, I suppose. Something easy. Being on the road is easy. Nothing is close. All of my problems, or that mass gathering of them, live in a place called, home. It’s different there. When a problem occurs out there it doesn’t belong to the catalog of itemized agenda-based problems that live at home. Problems that breathe and grow and yield the most colorful variety of fruits. Watch out for the seeds; don’t break your tooth on one of those.
When I got home with my lively, all is well, life is but a project that I’m happy to invest in attitude, I was ready in one way, but not another. The dark cycle always comes – that is a truth for many of us. What got me was not the list of things in disrepair, but the growing list of things in disrepair; that was hard. The most hard thing wasn’t even that the list was growing, it was that the only best thing to do was watch. Tormenting the face at the window and the hands that attempt the repairs that are now also afraid of the heat because it burns as much as the cold – cold has, for the moment, become the friend that gives.
I have been sheltering my hardships and keeping private while holding my stress close and measuring the distances from what is known of what is to come if what is happening doesn’t change. Spring, I need you to come. Please come soon. Wu.