I am a creator – A builder; a fixer; an inventor; a follow-no-other pather; an independent anti-classical thinking functionalist; and this list goes on ad infinitum. Occasionally, I am attacked for being just this person that I am. This is good. It means something. It means I’m doing something that isn’t being understood by the person attacking me and if it is believed that it is understood then the certainty by which I’m attacked reveals much about the attacker. If you exist with the illusion that there is only certainty and no illusion, you then have come to know too much about nothingness. Good work, Human. Good work, indeed. If you are reading this – or rather, have read this – then for today, give up the illusion. It’ll let your mind and your heart and your understanding grow beyond measure.
What beautiful things the memories of our minds can carry.?.? Scars of both kinds, the good, the bad, are deserving credit for life lived. Finding that being in love with brilliance of self belonging to whole we find some of the most beautiful madness is available to us all. If your investment becomes bankrupt, heal the wound, reinvest. Create community, love thy community, grow the community.
So many things are realigned here again. In a space where one could get stuck, it is possible to see where one could rejoice in the absurdity of it all, but given a good long hard and sometimes difficult look, it is possible to see why and thence rejoice. We are were we are, and so long as we are willing we are then able.
With that in ear, there is so much music happening. I am going to catch up so very soon. Much Love
Oh, it seems like it’s been half a millennia since I’ve been after this madness, but next Tuesday we are gathering around to shoot a video for this next album. I’m partnering with another local artist, Lindsey Jacobsen, for this. She is a fantastic singer/songwriter and performer; she will add great texture and character to it all. Mr. Pete Tolten is going to burn us into the lens of his camera, poor guy doesn’t know what’s coming yet. [: It’s always an experience with me. My eagerness to be underway definitely overshadows my excitement. I think I’ll make space for that after I can just watch. Mr. Urbaniak out then. Cheerbee-one-canearbee.
Today I will fight no more. I’ve been taught to let go of my beliefs. I will not trust. I do not believe in fairytales. We are here alone. We do not have other halves. Love – that deep love – does not exist. I was certain it was real and it would stand above all things in the end – I was wrong. Everything I thought I knew, everything I had been taught, is shown to me as lies and is used to hurt and manipulate. I lived my whole life being lied to, waiting on people to do the things the said they were going to do, and being let down repeatedly. Someone, for a while, walked with me, taught me that wasn’t the way it always went, told me that there were things worth fighting for, acted like half of me and convinced me that you don’t leave your other half behind. So I fought. I messed up, lost my way, found my way, and fought a fight that would destroy my hope and faith and light. When I discovered that everything else I had put my faith into was being used against me in this fight, I started questioning the fight itself. Today, I will carry my own weight. Today, I will never put faith into another being. Today, I will stand shielded and kept. I do not trust you – do not trust me. Evermore. I will not fight. I will not convince you or anyone else of that which I do not know to be true. I lay down sword. I will not fight.
sI often like to include song lyrics in my posts, so that trend is this post’s reality, tuba. ‘You didn’t know, but years ago you saved my life. I didn’t tell my secrets and it killed me to keep them all inside. But you gave me light and it made me strong. You gave me reasons to hold on. And you gave me fight and family; you taught me love and how to breathe. But you went away to a place I cannot go. And your light it barely shines – I give you some of mine – you take it all. Anger in one fist, forgiveness in the other – I open up both hands fare thee well my lover – Goodbye…’ There are some days when we wake up, and we wake up. Ohhh, crap. That worried little feather that tickles our memories and thoughts and directions and beliefs comes about and we sneeze into an awakening. Sometimes, we have to give all away; give it all; just to get it back, or just to let it go. We are humans – we are strange. If you find yourself thinking that you know – you don’t yet, but you will. That is the gorgeous thing about having a past and getting a future. We get to make the difference; we get to make the change; we get to. All we have to decided is to start. So today, you and I both will start.
So, this day doesn’t just get to be another day…it gets to be the day that I begin delivering the guitars that were consigned to people who would be willing to write a one-page handwritten letter every month for a year. I am beyond honored and feel a deep happiness for all I’ve been allowed to do.
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